Becoming My Best Version

~ Life needs to be measured in terms of quality, not quantity ~ talkswitheve

I am a work in progress in becoming my best version even if I am going about it by taking the scenic route. At least that is what I tell myself. This is how I explain it to myself as to why it has taken me so long to get to the point of realization.

However, when I give it more thought, I don’t beat up on myself. We can’t possibly learn everything in one day. It takes a whole lot of living and experiencing life, and only if you can find and learn the lessons along the way.

Learned lessons

Learned lessons is a very well-known and maybe overused phrase but very important. Without the lessons, you can remain stuck at whatever age you were when you had your experience. Your experience has no purpose if you don’t stop and reflect on it – how and why it happened – so that you can improve or set aside the behavior that caused the experience.

I used to fear making them but now I embrace mistakes. Why? Making mistakes is the key to the lessons. How do you learn the lesson? By making mistakes.

For example, if I had not made the mistake of disregarding my gut feeling, I would not have lost money or a friend. Usually, because of the experiences of others that I have witnessed, I did not mix friends, money, and business. However, the desire to be an entrepreneur overrode all the red flags my gut was waving in my face.

Foolishly I thought a signed contract with both our expectations would cover all the possibilities should anything go sideways. However, the business alliance subsequently failed, and the contract was not honored. Pushing to get my money back broke the relationship.

The broken relationship led to broken communication and I had to seek relief through the court. Although rewarded a judgment, I have yet to see even a penny of my money. That saga continues.

After much reflection, I have actually learned two lessons. First, never question my gut, or at least don’t disregard it but give it some real consideration. Second, I will not call someone a friend until our relationship has stood the test of time. That is, we have been there for and with each other through all our challenges, we feel good about, and can depend on each other.

Self-actualization

Despite the broken relationship and tentative (I am not done yet) loss of my money, I have forgiven the person. Unforgiveness is like an obstacle that impedes someone from making progress. Forgiveness, therefore, was necessary for me to move forward in my life.

For me, I had to learn to deal with obstacles. There would always be obstacles. Life includes obstacles and so they are unavoidable. Therefore, I had to overcome obstacles because how else was I to grow and mature?

Growth in age is not the only characteristic of maturity. There is also maturity shaped by our experiences. Maturity comes with the acceptance of who and what you are, and this has taken me years to accomplish. It is not the end though as I am on the path to self-actualization and why not?

Life is what is lived between birth and death. How it is lived is up to each person. We are each a unique individual, therefore, it will be different for each person. Nonetheless, the process is the same – face and conquer an obstacle, then do the same for the next obstacle, and the next, and the next – you get the picture.

Becoming my best version

While I have achieved self-acceptance, I am still challenged when it comes to the acceptance of others. It is easy for me to find humor in the direst of situations. A recent health challenge had me taking a trip to the emergency room.

The nurse was having difficulty finding a vein to get bloodwork done. I actually felt bad for her digging around in my arm trying to grab my “slippery” vein. It was painful but they needed blood so what else could I do but tolerate it.

She tried three times before she gave up and called on another nurse. Said she didn’t want to hurt me. Oops, too late! I was laughing with them as I got stuck two more times before they found success. I informed them they were victorious as my record for being stuck for bloodwork was six – they had stuck me five times. We all had a good laugh.

That was a great example of me being on my path to becoming my best version.  However, although I was laughing with them, I was also laughing at what I thought was their ineptitude. Instead of doing that, I should have been more compassionate and understanding. They may have been on a long shift, tired, and overwhelmed – there were a LOT of people in the waiting room. I should have been accepting and appreciative of them working on the frontline during the coronavirus pandemic.

Accomplishing self-actualization is a life-long process. There are several characteristics and traits including empathy and compassion for others. I still have some skills to learn such as not fearing but embracing the unknown. Some skills I have learned are I am comfortable with my own company and appreciate the small things such as an extra hour of sleep when the clock is turned back an hour.

Let’s talk

I approach becoming my best version as part of my personal growth. It’s an ongoing process. The lockdown has allowed me to increase my appreciation of all aspects of my life.

Have you found that in spending more time than usual with members of your family that you have more appreciation of simpler things? You have had to learn new skills if you had to teach your children, or develop new ways to spend your now extra time at home. Without you realizing it, the lockdown has placed you on your own path to self-actualization. You have had to look deeper within yourself to adjust to a different way of life.

Did you discover new things about yourself? What have you found out that may have surprised or intrigued you? Are you going to explore even further? You should – and never stop. Ever.

Let’s talk!