~ Happiness starts with you. Not with your relationships, not with your job, not with your money, but with you ~ Sadhguru
The Meaning of Happiness
According to Merriam-Webster’s definition, happiness is a state of well-being and contentment. This then naturally leads to the question of well-being…what exactly does that mean? Psychology Today describes well-being as something we should all strive for, as “it includes having good mental health…and a sense of meaning or purpose”.
The real meaning of happiness seems to lie entirely in our hands. Therefore, it is within our control…and choice. Something we can learn.
Is Happiness a Choice?
I have discussed (debated, depending on who you talk to), this question with my circle of women friends. The question would come up repeatedly. Too many times to count.
Such as when I helped and supported a friend through a challenging phase in her relationship. Or, when a friend broke up and had to deal with the loss of her relationship. Of course, the thought seemed puzzling to them.
How, when you are amid heartbreak and sorrow, can you be happy? Not possible you might say!
Power of the Brain
The brain is a powerful organ, yet we do not fully harness its power. I am sure you have heard the words “a mind is a terrible thing to waste”. You probably, and rightly so, only associate it with the slogan for equal opportunity in education.
In the case of happiness being a choice, I am referring to informal education. The kind of learning that takes place outside the structure of a classroom. The lesson for today is: You can select logic over feelings.
Controlling Anger
Talking about harnessing brainpower, have you ever noticed how some people in a tumultuous situation can control their anger? Well, they made a choice…they selected logic over feelings.
It takes self-awareness, almost like a quick out of body experience. I say quick because it is done in a matter of mere seconds. You experience an emotional trigger, and your brain sends back an immediate reaction.
However, in-between the trigger and reaction, is where logic will briefly make its appearance. The moment is quite brief…it moves as fast as lightning. You must grab on to it…if you can.
Engaging Logic
Okay…so…imagine that you have just broken up with THE love (or so you thought) of your life. You’re thinking, what now? Are you going to stop living? No! Stay home in bed under the sheets? NOT feasible!
Are you going to live in a state of carbohydrate satiety? Eating all the ice cream, cake or cookies you want? NOT sustainable! However, as satisfying as it may sound, you already know what is at the end of that road! Even MORE unhappiness because of weight gain…UGH!
Remember the brief moment in time I previously mentioned? The moment in-between an emotional trigger and your reaction? Well, at that moment, that millisecond, is when you will need to engage logic.
In Times of Sorrow
Choosing happiness in times of sorrow may seem mind-blowing! Impossible…maybe is even improbable. Let us set aside broken relationships for the moment. Consider another scenario.
What about the ultimate loss? The death of a parent, or a spouse? Maybe a family member, a friend, or a pet? How at a time of such sorrow, can you think about happiness? How can you choose it…deliberately? You might say it is UNTHINKABLE!
Good Grief!
Do you know that there are many different types of grief? I brought this up to let you know, that loss and grief are NOT the same. Grief is really HOW you RESPOND to your loss.
Some grief will have an expiration…come to a natural end. You just cannot grieve the loss of a relationship forever (although, unfortunately, some of us do that). Despite what I have said about expiration, ONLY you (NO ONE else) determines that time of expiration! Grieving is a VERY personal, and therefore a unique process.
Grieving Your Loss
Please, DO allow yourself time to grieve your loss. It is VERY important for your mental (and emotional) health! Take whatever time you feel you need to grieve.
Do NOT rush, or allow yourself to be pressured by anyone, to hurry along the process.
Conquering Sorrow
Imagine if you will, the ability to compartmentalize your feelings? Not possible you say? What if I tell you that YOU are capable of such an impossible sounding feat?!
Do not misunderstand me, I know some sorrow can be all-consuming. You need time to make your way through your pain at your own pace. In the midst, you can choose happiness. You will need to take certain specific actions, with which you can alleviate sadness.
A Change in Attitude?
You can be happy even while you are experiencing sadness. It IS possible because you choose to be happy. You take action and choose to adjust your attitude. You are then able to change your circumstances.
Go with me here. Can you please clear your mind of all your preconceptions? As Sophia in Golden Girls would say, when she was gearing up to engage her roommates, “picture this”!
Choosing Happiness
Happiness is the state of well-being you can opt to make. You do so during that brief appearance of logic I mentioned earlier. Of course, it will not be an overnight thing to accomplish. However, among many other things, time is also a great teacher.
Remember the age-old saying: Practice makes perfect? Well, do not beat up on yourself if you fail at the start. It takes 21, 30 or 66 days, (depending on who you choose to believe), to build a new habit. Remember we are all unique individuals. Take your time.
Just know it is going to take some time. You will need to keep at it. Okay? Okay.
Making the Decision
Here is what you will need to do. Make a decision!
Simply CHOOSE. TO. BE. HAPPY!
YES! It IS that simple.
Note, however, that “simple”, does NOT mean easy. It is NOT easy! It is, however, how you will have some measure of control. You must have control over your reactions to your emotional triggers.
Choosing Happiness
The decision made for the time of expiration is different for each person. We are all unique individuals. Nonetheless, that does not matter. Choosing happiness is the SAME for everyone.
Why? IT. IS. A. DECISION!
There are no frills. It is that simple.
Note, however, that it is an ONGOING decision. Life is messy, and as such, unexpected things do happen. An article from Psychology Today expresses a lesson learned about happiness as a daily choice. We are just mere mortals, and as such flawed in our humanity. Thus, it does not take much to push us off our life’s track.
You MUST, however, decide to choose happiness. Over and over, and over again! Throughout each day. As I said before, choosing happiness, IS an ongoing decision.
Managing Expectations
The thing to ALWAYS remember is that you need to be in a calm and positive state. You attract what is in your thoughts (the law of attraction may be familiar to some). Choosing happiness is to be in a calm and positive state. Thinking good thoughts. Giving yourself an attitude adjustment.
While in that positive state, you may see life from a very different perspective. One that is unique to you. In this state, you can reflect on the self. You will be amazed at what you see and feel.
You may, for example, realize the person you thought was the love of your life, was truly wrong for you…YIKES! You may even wonder what you saw in them, to begin with! Soon, before you know it, you will have turned a dark day into a sunny day!
Do NOT get me wrong though, you can STILL expect to feel sadness from the loss of a loved one. However, you can ALSO feel happiness (and peace), as you reflect on all the great memories. If they were ill, you can also be grateful, that they are no longer suffering.
Wonder if you have what it takes to choose happiness? Here is a fun quiz to see if you can make that decision.
Now What?
Now with all that said, what do you think about happiness as a choice? Remember the saying do not knock it until you have tried it. Go on and make the decision…choose happiness. Try it for one day…a mere 24 hours. See how much more positive you feel, even if your environment remains unchanged.
Go on now…make that decision.
Start with the “GREAT DREAM”, the acronym for the ten keys to happier living.
Remember, happiness starts with you…choose it.
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