No One Needs To Understand You

~ We are each a unique individual with unique thoughts. We may have similar thoughts, but no one thinks exactly alike. Acknowledge and accept each other’s differences ~ talkswitheve

No one needs to understand you. I know that may be a hard thing to wrap your head around. Maybe for some even a bitter pill to swallow.

Many of us look to others to validate us. That would mean others would need to acknowledge us just as we are, and accept us too. However, although we seek acknowledgment and acceptance from others, both evade many of us.

Need for acknowledgment

Why do we need acknowledgment? I think it is because we want to know that we matter. First, we look to our parents for that acknowledgment. Even as adults, we still look to our parents – even unconsciously.

Then, as we grow to adulthood, we look to others in our lives – and beyond. You only have to look at social media and its exponential growth rate to see how far-reaching is that need.

Building connections, a network of friends, family, or business professionals, have become secondary. The number of followers is now the goal. It is not possible to truly be friends with someone who, more often than not, you have never met! Probably never will meet.

However, there seems to be an ongoing competition online, celebrated at predetermined milestones. Predetermined how, I will never know, but there is an unspoken race to see how many friends or followers one can build. Recently I read comments on Twitter, ridiculing someone for having only eight followers!

The psychology behind why social media is so popular is quite astounding. Fascinating too.

It, however, does not end with being friends or just “following” someone. Now you have made the connection, you need to build the relationship. In addition to likes, you also have to make comments, something for them to like in return. Likes, in return, represent acceptance.

Need for acceptance

As humans we all have needs. One of them being the need to feel accepted. Our need is conditioned from our relationship with our parents.

We will go to lengths to change our behaviors, even change who we are, to get others to like and accept us. It does not matter how old you are, no one feels good about being rejected.

We are social creatures and need to be part of a community. Social acceptance influences how we feel about ourselves.

Too many times being accepted in a popular group increases our self-worth, even if we have nothing in common with the group. We may not even like members of the group.

I am in no way saying that needing acknowledgment and acceptance are negative behaviors. All of us will always need validation from others. We always need other people’s opinions in the form of feedback and encouragement. What I am saying is that we also need self-validation.

Importance of self-validation

Do you accept and understand yourself? That is what self-validation is all about – your validation of your thoughts and feelings about yourself. Validation from others helps us to effectively manage our emotions.

However, validation from others is looking at yourself as reflected by someone else. While self-validation is seeing your own thoughts and emotions, and able to validate them.

Self-validation is acceptance, not necessarily agreement, of your own thoughts and emotions. Have you ever listened to a friend vent, and they felt better after you validated their feelings? You didn’t invalidate or negate their feelings by judging or criticizing them.

The way in which you support your friend is by validating what they are thinking, and how they are feeling. Support is much more important, impactful, in your reaction in their time of need. It is the same thing you would do – for yourself. Accepting, not judging what you are thinking or feeling.

Self-validation allows you to keep calm, as you are able to manage and control your thoughts and emotions. It allows you, not to believe your thoughts or justify your feelings, but to accept them. You can do it for yourself – you can do it for others.

An important element of being able to validate, yourself, and others, is your history – your life experience. Events you have experienced in your life, positive or negative, influence your thoughts and feelings.

Validation by your life experience

Your life experience is the lens through which you view not only your thoughts and feelings but those of others too. Therefore, any conclusion you draw from someone else’s will be incorrect.

As a unique individual, your life experience will not be the same as any other person. Another person’s understanding of your feelings and thoughts, through the context of their life experience, will not be correct.

However, the person, without an understanding, can still validate you. No one needs to understand you.